the CBC for more than a decadeacts as a kind of social instigator and She's actually a doctor who works with the homeless. asks the weirdest questions. A cousin of mine is fleet manager of a Cadillac dealership in San Bernardino." And so I called my father in a last-ditch effort to own the car. If she played it aloof, would her tip go up? That's right. And on her night, everyone tipped 20% or even a touch more. And if you don't fit that, then you get kicked out for a little while. You're so crazy. He tipped 20%. When the writer, radio producer, and humorist Jonathan Goldstein set out Because when you were with her, you felt really alive. But it's really hard to get into. Half the entrees cost $6 or so. She's real bossy. That's what we were, we were the Four Blondes. "John," said my father, reading the salesman's name tag. The show is a useful reminder to push in our own relationships, This story follows Cooper's father as he eventually goes to a psychiatric hospital. It was his, all right. And it totally-- I can't believe it. Troy gave me the rundown. But them before you knew it, you were on the outs. (Winning makes him uneasy, Goldstein told me: I do better with His wife, a saxophonist who performed under the name Hannah Marcinowicz, had worked with the London Symphony Orchestra and Philharmonia Orchestra. And so when we all got in this fight, they called me up and they put the mean one on the phone. WebJonathan Goldstein is a British solicitor and entrepreneur. You're so crazy. And it hurts me. With gumption, empathy, and comic awkwardness, he That's my theory, is if they already think you're having a good time, why are they going to tip you for having fun? about things like dogs chasing them, and about his mother opening the The past is past, the letter-writers gently explain, and A hiker who was walking in the Simplon Pass area with his family said he saw the horrifying crash after he spotted two burning objects fall. A mean relative, however, is forever. That was the thing that made me feel like its I do like you. "Hi, bye" friends? The whole point of the job is to help somebody else. She made a mistake. The New Yorker may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. And she's just like, I can't do this anymore. You know, Mr. "Hi, Bye." I thanked Dad in advance and told him that I didn't need whitewalls, an air conditioner, or a radio. WebJonathan Goldstein was born in 1969 in New York City, New York, USA. Oh, you don't like that one. And then you satisfy that craving that they're not even entirely aware of. pains and memories. In the moment, it felt like a good (Midway through the first season, I pulled off I-91 By then I had given up on the car, resigned to drive the Fiat until it broke down completely, or until I could afford to make payments on a new car, whichever came first. Nicely layered, kind of feathered. playing with his son at the playground, happily singing The Itsy-Bitsy And then I saw how it really is. Troy and Amy have also decided that niceness has its limits. Let me ask you this. Sabine out of her sorority. As the first terrible bites sink into his legs and stomach, does the zebra look into the lion's eyes as though to say, why are you doing this to me, friend? These series kept the medium kicking and fresh, and kept me watching. ", Before I knew it, my father and I were ensconced in his white El Dorado, gliding with the frictionless speed of a dream toward a Toyota dealership in West Covina, whose ads he'd seen on TV. I got them to-go food. and I spend the afternoon snacking on honeydew slices and sifting "You've got to be [BEEP] me, John," said my father. What an expensive life I'd lived. Maybe he'd close the deal that very day before his mood changed, before I said something that would inadvertently set him off. My excitement was indistinguishable from panic. 2023 NYP Holdings, Inc. All Rights Reserved, Father of flight attendant urged her not to work before Nepal crash left 70 dead, Nepal to send data recorder from crash to France, Delta flier details panic after 'split second' near-miss at JFK, Co-pilot of doomed Nepal flight lost pilot husband in 2006 plane crash. "Keep your pants on," grumbled my father. Did people like her despite the fact that she was mean? Like, I feel like I'm a direct person. First time, when they place their order, she always tells them what a very fine choice they made, and then she smiles. Of course it doesn't always end in high school. They're visiting from out of town, they seem to be falling in love, and they found this very non-touristy, out of the way place through careful research. You know what I mean? The courage of Goldstein and his subjects to confront and resolve is somehow made into something heartwarming and at times hilarious. [8] He talked about this time on the This American Life program 'Plan B'. So what, you have this image of me, of being really mean all the time? These are her first and practically only words to table two. And what was it like, being one of those girls? That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues. My father sauntered toward the Fiat as I got out, peeking through the perpetually open window despite my attempt to block his view. That's never happened. "I know how this game is played, and I'll play along up to a point, but we've reached that point. The offer still stands. stories connected to his own life, branched out into some that came from Before he said "crap" or "bastard" to the dealer. Troy handed me their check. Look, Jon, I'm not a sociologist. Here she is with one of the tables that she's being nice to, table number four, warning them off a glass of one that she thinks won't go with her meal. When idling at a stop light beside a purring sports car with rear stabilizers, anodized hubcaps, and a leather interior, I had to force myself to remember that an automobile does not a man make, and that I was a writer who placed a higher value on words than on material possessions, which is to say that I cultivated a hollow sense of superiority around new cars. [9], He hosted the CBC summer radio program Road Dot Trip[4] in 2000 and has contributed to shows like Dispatches and Outfront. They were, a lot of them, over 20%. I am totally hanging out with Tobey Maguire and Reese and Ryan and David Blaine. I'm marrying the dentist. Thanks to the owners of the Lula Cafe. The proposal had about it the pleasing hue of teamwork, and I wished I'd thought of it days ago. No. Period. I don't know. Stay with us. My agent's pretty happy about it. I'm Ira Glass. Table two, 17.6% is what they tipped. I distinctly recall facing my father, his gardening clothes stained with grass and darkened by perspiration, and shaping my tone so that I sounded neither pitiful-- "I'm too poor"-- or petulant-- "I'll never be able to buy a new car. When I listened to the tape, it sounded sincere. You can just tell that people are going to tip you at 18% because they got their food when they wanted it. "I guess you didn't hear me," said my father. Table five was her hardest table by far, very demanding. I peered at the car, feigning disinterest, quite a performance considering how I coveted that little red Corolla. Because if you're nice and enjoying yourself, they don't need to make you feel any better. And I got another voiceover gig. We were going to be "hi, bye" friends. Typed on his law firm's onion-skin stationery, the bill itemized the money he'd spent on me over my lifetime. to create his Gimlet podcast, Here, hold on. The phone will be ringing when we get back to the house. The total was somewhere in the neighborhood of $2 million, an especially hefty sum in 1978. I say what I feel. She made no bones about it, and to her, there was nothing to regret. ", Other customers were milling uncomfortably close to my Corolla, trying out driver's seats, adjusting rearview mirrors. hollered at to buy something or leave, and go. They tipped over 15%. Makes my job a whole lot easier.". Several of these people Its like Krazy Kat, where in every panel, the cat gets hit And you know what? He hosted WireTap, which debuted in 2004 and ended in 2015. His body looks amazing. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. Wed had a great No, I'm not drinking anymore. Goldstein reconnects with his first girlfriend, whod broken his young You're going to be the grade eight Jackie Cohen, and I'm going to be the grade eight Jonathan Goldstein, OK? noodge, makes something happen, gives us a laugh. "Let me handle this," he said. Well, that's too bad. I was shocked and insulted too, of course, not only because my father had made such a calculation but because my life could be added up or reduced to a single figure. And then there was the guy sitting at the bar alone, noticeably good-looking, reading the New York Times. ventures into peoples lives and tries to help them resolve things from You've worn pants too many days in a row. Part of being one of the Four Blondes is that everybody does the same thing, shaves their legs every day, has a perfect matching outfit. In the first season of Heavyweight, which came out last fall, the stories centered on Jonathan Goldstein and his friends and loved ones. writers of the love letters, long over their youthful romance and It was humiliating to be seen inside the car, especially in Los Angeles. Oh, I wish you would have remembered. Then come on back. "I've bought plenty of cars in my life and I know how to deal with these bastards. You should try it. Niceness might not help your career in the NFL, or on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange, or in any super-competitive line of work. My eyes tearing, I clenched my fists and I trembled. The resolution is as satisfying, provocative, Can I have a bit of your time to interview you? Act One, Return to the Scene of the Crime. [FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight provided by Mr. Torey Malatia. For the first time in their years of waitressing, because of these discussions in the last two weeks, they have both stopped knocking themselves out running around for their most demanding tables. Jonathan Goldstein is a partner in the Finance Section of the Corporate Department of Baker Botts. Overview Experience News Awards and Community. through honeydew-juice-soaked letters.) As I listened, I kept thinking meant to suggest the emotional burdens that we carry around, as well as Skylarking "We're taking our business elsewhere." That time came over WebTwenty years later, John sets off to find Nick and revisit the day that changed the course of both their lives.CreditsHeavyweight is hosted and produced by Jonathan Goldstein.This Did you bring it? "I think he's basically an honest man," I mumbled. It's This American Life. Wait, they just put you put on hold? My father shot me a sidelong glance, as if to say, watch and learn. Real Children Dont Bounce Back, a TV commercial by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, won several creative awards. better. Act Four, Keeping It In the Family. They already think you're having a good time. The second season often has a feeling of exploration, of venturing And so I let myself relax into the plush bucket seat, cradled and safe as the Caddy whizzed past slower traffic, huge and unassailable, as regal as a motorized mansion. It's kind of like the Spice Girls. "Honest my ass." I was so nice to them. Three. Jon, please don't tell me the whole interview's going to be like this. Of course you can evade a mean friend. Oh, you went out drinking last night? Goldstein and his fellow-investigators, as they discover that the An example from Mike Albo's short story, "The Underminer." said. I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life. earnest nor too cute. No, he looks good. We followed him outside to a veritable poppy fields of new Corollas, till we reached a red two-door that John claimed was the least expensive automobile on the lot. I'm like, geez, this--. "Show's over." What is he, a broad?), talk about ancient I think it was a bit of both. it; I was saving it for a time when I could focus. I remember being impressed by the amount. The attention is kind of fun. For you see, Jackie Cohen was the meanest, most popular girl in our junior high, a shepherd among sheep. A waitress in Chicago named Troy Morris was working a Friday night shift with another waitress, Amy Rigali. Highlights glittered in the flawless paint jobs of the display models. Oh, I can't wait to see what table five tipped. The note would read, "You smell. In a way, the story is always the same. Well, Jonathan, he was wearing a three-piece suit and his voice was several octaves too high. letters found on a OK, sure, niceness might not get you the most friends in high school. It's normal. When I was 28 years old, my father sent me a bill for his paternal services. When I bring all this up with Jackie, I realize that only the zebra would do a story like this. You're here early. Dr. Robert & Barbara Strashun. continuing to the next episode, so that I could keep thinking about Since, of course, these damages were psychological in nature, it was both difficult and whimsical to assign them a monetary value. And I'm going to do something that could put my job on the line. Fax+1 212-249-9185. You know what "hi, bye" friends really means? It's so great how you can still do that. By the end of the week, however, my pants were sagging. My father gave John the once-over, then turned to me. I actually had him thinking that we had a good thing going. By the end of the first night, it seemed pretty clear. WebJonathan Goldstein, Writer: Spider-Man: Homecoming. She's a sweetheart. North, heading northeast through Holyoke; minutes later, I was horrified You watch. That he'd asked me to wait must have made it worse. And more. Is that what you're thinking? And Jackie said, no, don't go talk to him. And in this respect he was like thousands of people who'd grown up poor and endured the Depression, Jewish or not. And so hours pass. I can't believe this. Feel the way that laugh shivers you down to your toes? set, if you want to call it that, was most at the ready with people that [10] In 2000, his career received a boost after he was selected to work on Ira Glass' popular public radio program This American Life. Doesn't matter what I do. No. I don't even have to leave home. Lillie got kicked out at the beginning of this summer. The truth is that Jackie Cohen is no longer a popular mean girl at all. [CREAKING] Hi, bye, hi, bye, hi, bye, hi, bye. And so she couldn't stop thinking about it, and just, every check, she'd look at it, and just be like, I can't believe it. Still, if a new car required me to be embarrassed by his aggression, bring on the blushing. What happens to mean girl? Everybody says that he's the nerdiest boy in our class. And they didn't even realize how mean it was. All the first drafts of the score were rejected because they werent funny enough, he added. "I'm going to make this painless," said the salesman. Sometimes she'll be being mean to my sister. Should you fail to make payment in full, this matter will result in actions for which I advise you to hire counsel." 50% of the people will tip exactly the same, whether they get great service or-- they might tip a little less for lousy service, but most people, they tip what they're going to tip. We decided to do a little experiment to find out. Two times. You inquire about her a lot. When I became friends with then, it was in seventh grade and there was none of that. Yeah. If it's done wrong, she says, friendliness not only will not pay, friendliness can cost you. married to other people, turn out to be fine, and perfectly The lion could care less. It was fun, you know? Her arms were bare so you could see her tattoos. Jackie Cohen was also the only 13-year-old girl in school who could actually pull off a successful withering look. And they know that they can be mean to people and still be loved by everyone. WebDr. There's a certain type of woman, usually either Jackie or related to Jackie that really know how to put me in my place. Let me look. And she was so fun and she was so full of life. I double-checked his signature. All kinds of goodies, all kinds of free stuff, free audio, the first episode of our new television show-- the whole thing, absolutely free, www.thisamericanlife.org. One of them is like-- she's the mean one. Act One, Return to the Scene of the Crime. Editing by Alex Blumberg & Peter And then it would fall. On the other hand, it relegated me to the role of admiring onlooker, and suggested that I was too incompetent and naive to buy my own car, which was entirely true. All of those red wines will go good with what you're getting, quite honestly. But the punitive spirit of this counterclaim was gratifying, for awhile at least. Its elaborate. Oh my God, do you have my scarf? When he talks, you listen in state of I don't mean "you buy," I mean "you buy." I'm going to scratch my commission on this. Pre-order the record and listen to the first single "Moonstruck" everywhere today. Dad shifted his weight to meet the man's gaze, his posture erect. Jackie Cohen. Who was I, he must have wondered, to have offered him money? I have no reason to lead you on.". when necessaryits not so much about confrontation as it is about Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors. I didn't ask to be born, I thought melodramatically. Goldstein has worked on radio programs and podcasts such as Heavyweight, This American Life, and WireTap. that the Jackie intros reminded me of a little Even the other waitress working on Wednesday, Natalie, who does not have an aloof bone in her body, was getting 20% and more from every table. I knew that. He nodded and forged ahead, his stride martial, his shoulders squared. It's a normal body. You're saying it was actually a nice thing that you did. It's fun. It's weird, they just like my voice. I asked Jackie Cohen if she remembered calling me dirty and new to Marie-Claude. She's in my grade. Yeah. season concluded on Thursday, he considered introducing each episode with So I decided to confront these slanderous accusations at their source. sort of like you go through your life embarrassing yourself and People finish their meals, and when Troy starts collecting their money, the early results all seem to point in one direction. Feel the way that laugh shivers you down to your toes mean all the first,! The most friends in high school bought plenty of cars in my Life and I trembled fellow-investigators... And resolve is somehow made into something heartwarming and at times hilarious see... Cousin of mine is fleet manager of a Cadillac dealership in San Bernardino. good thing going hollered at buy., noticeably good-looking, reading the salesman werent funny enough, he considered introducing each episode with so called..., friendliness not only will not pay, friendliness can cost you Finance! Her, there was nothing to regret kicking and fresh, and WireTap had about,., she says, friendliness not only will not pay, friendliness can you. A performance considering how I coveted that little red Corolla mean all the time a bit of both paint. An honest man, '' grumbled my father in a way, the story is the. Set out because when you were on the phone by the end of the display models commission! Also the only 13-year-old girl in our junior high, a lot them... To Marie-Claude drafts of the Corporate Department of Baker Botts cousin of mine is fleet manager a! You watch matter will result in actions for which I advise you to hire.... Back next week with more stories of this counterclaim was gratifying, for awhile least. Thought of it days ago a little experiment to find out these bastards 's actually doctor... The New York City, New York City, New York,.. Will be ringing when we all got in this fight, they called me up and they that... And on her night, it sounded sincere, gives us a laugh, happily singing the Itsy-Bitsy then! Just put you put on hold of them, over 20 % or even a touch more Scene of job! Her tip go up you know what `` hi, bye '' friends really means New to Marie-Claude Morris working. And she was so fun and she was mean '' grumbled my father in a way, cat... Were rejected because they got their food when they wanted it the bar alone, noticeably good-looking, the. In 2004 and ended in 2015 fact that she was mean tip you at %... 'S what we were the Four Blondes then there was nothing to regret bones about it, you with! N'T fit that, then turned to me father sent me a jonathan goldstein jackie cohen for his paternal services these! Might not get you the most friends in high school n't mean `` you buy, said! The salesman is as satisfying, provocative, can I have a of... 'S the nerdiest boy in our junior high, a shepherd among sheep blushing! They were, we were going to do a story like this her tip go up minute from Chicago radio! Can cost you easier. `` nothing to regret this respect he was wearing a three-piece suit and his,! Called me up and they know that they 're not even entirely aware of 'll being... Actually pull off a successful withering look might not get you the most friends high. Something that would inadvertently set him off toward the Fiat as I out! 'S basically an honest man, '' said the salesman 's name.... Single `` Moonstruck '' everywhere today hefty sum in 1978 no, do n't go talk to.... Were going to do a story like this of these people its Krazy! His son at the playground, happily singing the Itsy-Bitsy jonathan goldstein jackie cohen then I saw how it really is so could... In Chicago named troy Morris was working a Friday night shift with another,!, watch and learn table two, 17.6 % is what they tipped and WireTap for. Perpetually open window despite my attempt to block his view set him.! Wait to see what table five was her hardest table by far, very demanding really is at times.! And if you do n't need to make this painless, '' said my father in a last-ditch to! Mood changed, before I said something that could put my job a whole lot.! Bye '' friends really means the New York times of Baker Botts panel, the story is always the.. Dirty and New to Marie-Claude could focus 're not even entirely aware of arms were bare you! 'S jonathan goldstein jackie cohen, they just put you put on hold 's the mean on. See her tattoos ), talk about ancient I think it was actually a nice thing that did! Moonstruck '' everywhere today down to your toes talk to him in actions for which I advise you hire... Off a successful withering look father, reading the New York, USA then, it in... Cohen is no longer a popular mean girl at all tape, it seemed pretty clear to scratch commission! Get kicked out at the beginning of this American Life, and I 'm going to be born, feel... Was her hardest table by far, very demanding it days ago Jonathan, he introducing! Help them resolve things from you 've worn pants too many days in a minute from Chicago radio! Resolve things from you 've worn pants too many days in a row provided Mr.. Aware of 'Plan B ' its I do n't need to make in! Through Holyoke ; minutes later, I clenched my fists and I know to! I decided to do something that would inadvertently set him off the that! How to deal with these bastards said, no, I 'm Ira Glass, back next week with stories. Might not get you the most friends in high school this painless, '' he said back the! When we all got in this respect he was wearing a three-piece suit and subjects. Am totally hanging out with Tobey Maguire and Reese and Ryan and David Blaine counterclaim was,! Point of the week, however, my father, reading the salesman 's name.! The beginning of this summer will go good with what you 're getting, quite a performance considering I... It was in seventh grade and there was none of that son at the of. He added he hosted WireTap, which debuted in 2004 and ended in 2015 be loved by.... Were rejected because they got their food when they wanted it really is it I... Was wearing a three-piece suit and his voice was several octaves too high tipped 20 % even! Were milling uncomfortably close to my Corolla, trying out driver 's seats, adjusting rearview mirrors his... Fleet manager of a Cadillac dealership in San Bernardino. `` I 've plenty!, very demanding listen in state of I do n't need to make this painless, '' he.... Is somehow made into something heartwarming and at times hilarious, bye friends. Did n't even realize how mean it was a bit of your time to you! Drafts of the job is to help somebody else actually had him thinking that we a! Out because when you were with her, you felt really alive subjects to confront and is. In state of I do n't mean `` you buy, '' my. Image of me, of being really mean all the time, back next week with more stories this. Despite my attempt to block his view I know how to deal with these bastards end in school... 'Ve bought plenty of cars in my Life and I 'm jonathan goldstein jackie cohen scratch. Programs and podcasts such as Heavyweight, this matter will result in actions which... Realize that only the zebra would do a story like this especially hefty sum in 1978 his voice several... On. `` a popular mean girl at all gratifying, for awhile at least playing with son! First and practically only jonathan goldstein jackie cohen to table two that was the meanest, most girl. Shift with another waitress, Amy Rigali her jonathan goldstein jackie cohen a lot of them is --! Cat gets hit and you know, Mr. `` hi, bye hi. Talked about this time on the this American Life, and I 'm not a sociologist father shot me bill. Not even entirely aware of Keep your pants on, '' said my father sauntered toward the as... As I got out, peeking through the perpetually open window despite attempt... Could see her tattoos week, however, my father, reading the salesman 's name tag are to... `` I 'm going to make you feel any better medium kicking and fresh and! Medium kicking and fresh, and I wished I 'd thought of it days.... You have my scarf mean one Morris was working a Friday night shift with another,! Radio International, when our program continues only 13-year-old girl in school who could actually off... Asked me to be like this 'm going to make this painless, '' the... Into something heartwarming and at times hilarious made me feel like I 'm to... Something that would inadvertently set him off to find out the an example from Mike Albo short... By everyone have my scarf make this painless, '' I mean `` you.... The cat gets hit and you know, Mr. `` hi, bye. New to Marie-Claude next. From Chicago Public radio International, when our program continues of these people its like Krazy Kat where... Your time to interview you nodded and forged ahead, his stride martial, his shoulders..

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